Friday, January 22, 2010

Secrets

For you few dedicated followers out there, I have some good/bad news which may or may not be a surprise to you. 

Basically, the past few weeks have been horrible for me. Everything sort of hit me at once and I've been on a downward spiral since then. There's been just way too much stress for me to handle, too many things that I find wrong with myself, and not enough confidence to pull myself together. I starting doing things I swore I would never do... delving into self-harm, slight substance abuse. Things completely uncharacteristic of me. Even though it may not have seemed so (I am sadly an excellent faker) I shut myself off to everyone, even my closest friends. 

Thanks to a few loving friends, and the support of my family, I'm trying to move away from all of this. Just this Monday I confided in a friend, hoping my secret would be safe. On Wednesday my mom told me there had been a call home from guidance: she told. On Thursday, I sat in the psychology room at school; unresponsive and refusing to open up. later that day, whole family found out even more information, and completely flipped. I've felt so horribly guilty. I didn't mean for all of this to happen, and I didn't want such wide-spread alarm. So today my whole family has been on edge, my mom is constantly checking in with me and I have a scheduled "doctor's appointment" on Tuesday. A fancy name for a shrink. I don't think they help at all. Look at the precedents...they sure helped. At $275 for 45 minutes, I feel too rushed. How the hell can you fit a whole life into three quarters of an hour.

Anyway, I digress. The bottom line is, I'm going through some rough stuff now, so if I'm not acting myself, I'm sorry. I love all of you and I hope you understand. 

1 comment:

Peter said...

Chelsea, All we can say is we think you’re amazing. I’ve described you to my friends as heroic in the way that you’ve helped us and helped others. We’re rooting for you. Lean on your family and your friends. You have a lot of people who care about you and believe in you. I believe professionals can help, too, if you let them.
-Peter (Emma’s dad)

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