Secrets

For you few dedicated followers out there, I have some good/bad news which may or may not be a surprise to you. 

Basically, the past few weeks have been horrible for me. Everything sort of hit me at once and I've been on a downward spiral since then. There's been just way too much stress for me to handle, too many things that I find wrong with myself, and not enough confidence to pull myself together. I starting doing things I swore I would never do... delving into self-harm, slight substance abuse. Things completely uncharacteristic of me. Even though it may not have seemed so (I am sadly an excellent faker) I shut myself off to everyone, even my closest friends. 

Thanks to a few loving friends, and the support of my family, I'm trying to move away from all of this. Just this Monday I confided in a friend, hoping my secret would be safe. On Wednesday my mom told me there had been a call home from guidance: she told. On Thursday, I sat in the psychology room at school; unresponsive and refusing to open up. later that day, whole family found out even more information, and completely flipped. I've felt so horribly guilty. I didn't mean for all of this to happen, and I didn't want such wide-spread alarm. So today my whole family has been on edge, my mom is constantly checking in with me and I have a scheduled "doctor's appointment" on Tuesday. A fancy name for a shrink. I don't think they help at all. Look at the precedents...they sure helped. At $275 for 45 minutes, I feel too rushed. How the hell can you fit a whole life into three quarters of an hour.

Anyway, I digress. The bottom line is, I'm going through some rough stuff now, so if I'm not acting myself, I'm sorry. I love all of you and I hope you understand.